Dreams.

I always dream of my family. I dream of the love that I don't have anymore. I always wake up so disappointed, but I still try to make each day better than the last. It's just really hard. All I can think about is how I don't want to be here. I should have paid attention to the signs. I know that it could be worse, but right now nothing hurts more. I don't even want to go home for the holidays, because I know it's just going to hurt even more when I have to come back here. But I also know that I will be miserable if I stay here. I'm just going to keep praying for better. Maybe something will give and I won't be so miserable.
Later.

Regrets

My biggest regret is choosing to go to school in Washington, D.C. I am miserable. I am 600 miles away from my friends and family. I am so lonely. I wake up crying every day. It's so hard to keep myself motivated. It's hard to keep pushing through to the next day. I just want to go home. I keep trying to remind myself that I am strong and capable of triumphing through this, but it is so hard. I thought I could do it. I thought I could make it, but it has become harder and harder with every passing day. I was doing okay, but then bad thing after bad thing happened. My school is great, but it's not the right fit for me. I think the deterioration of my blossoming relationship was the straw that broke me. It hurt so much. I was finally beginning to love someone again. I had a reason to be happy. I was happy. It kept me trudging through each day. It was the main thing keeping me going. Now, I am trying to focus on getting all A's so that I may have a better chance at transferring home. I keep trying to stay positive, but it's so hard. I feel like I can't talk to anyone because they all keep telling me that "It gets easier," and that I just "need to give it a chance." No, I need to go home. I'm miserable. Extremely miserable. I'm tired of everyone acting like the reason I'm not happy is because I'm not giving this place. I am trying so hard. No one knows how hard I try, but nothing works. I am just miserable.

I can't post with my usual signature, because I have none of the things that it encompasses. I just have misery.